screaming

by shailja patel

there are too many battles

there are too many battles
and too many wounds
and i
i can't take it
i don't want to know

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that inez garcia was sentenced
to life imprisonment
for killing the man
who held her down
while two other men raped her

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i want to cover my ears and scream
to block out the voices that chant

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that piah njoki had her eyes
gouged out by her husband
because she did not bear him
a son

i want to be free of the murder
that pounds in my brain

because six hundred women a year
in delhi alone
are doused in paraffin and burned
burned to death for the crime
of too small a dowry

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i want to pretend it won't happen to me

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did you know that a student
at sussex university
was raped on her
first night in residence
by a man who just walked
just walked
into her room

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i am not a part of this bleeding
this scream
i don't want to challenge argue fight
construct confront negotiate
beg for change

do you hear me

i want to retreat
to a room filled with women
shut out the night
the fear and pain
hear myself stop
screaming inside
unravel my breathing ask

in a very
low
voice

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dare i
claim the right
to a voice
that does not
scream?

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